Stepmom’s comments caught on doorbell camera
I recently made unflattering comments about my daughter-in-law to my son. They were recorded on their Ring doorbell. Now she’s mad at me and my son, and I’m not sure I’ll ever see the grandkids again. When I emailed her an apology, she said she didn’t know if she could ever forgive me. She’ll see my husband, but I’m not allowed to go there if she’s there.
Any words of wisdom on what to do? We have always helped them with the children and sometimes financially. Should my husband tell her if I’m not welcome then he feels the same? I know he feels caught between me and the whole situation.
– Messed up in Illinois
You have learned the hard way that in our technological society, privacy is a thing of the past. I do NOT think it would be helpful to threaten your son and daughter-in-law by preventing your husband from interacting with them and the grandchildren. What you should do is apologize AGAIN to your daughter-in-law for your critical and mean comments. Repeatedly, if necessary. So I hope she can find in her heart the strength to forgive you.
Fostering is an option for those looking for pet companions
Regarding “Nurturer in New York” (April 28), the disabled woman who wants a dog, please suggest a foster home. I am the founder of a rescue and transport organization for shelter dogs. We cannot save lives without our host families! Foster placement gives people looking to adopt the opportunity to eventually meet their ideal dog. It also gives dogs the chance to live in a home and learn the skills they will need to become cherished and beloved members of a human family.
Even though the dog or dogs she adopts may not be the right ones for her, she will still be able to enjoy their company and feel good knowing that she has provided a stepping stone for homeless animals on their way to forever homes. Most shelters and sanctuaries allow foster families to choose the type of animals they wish to foster.
I also liked your suggestion that she considers an older dog. Senior pets are often overlooked in shelters and are happier and more comfortable in a family setting.
— Pet in North Carolina
Thanks for writing to comment. Many readers responded to this letter recommending foster care. One from Washington State mentioned “seniors for seniors” programs in which a senior pet is matched with a suitable senior, WITH CONTINUOUS HELP. While “permanent foster homes” allow the animal to be placed with a person, the shelter retains “ownership” of the animal and is responsible for the vet’s bills. This is a worthwhile program for someone who may have the time and love for an animal but not the resources, and it helps get older animals out of shelters.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.